Dua Lipa’s wedding bliss is healing the world

Self-expression and unadulterated joy are a blessing to witness. Also, notes on planning my own wedding.

There is something undeniably healing about watching Dua Lipa do exactly what she wants for her wedding, while delighting in the whole ordeal with complete presence, openness and joy. No reservations, no qualifications, no inhibitions. Unlike others who tend to occupy the spotlight, Dua Lipa seems to have a piercing ability to do exactly what she wants, without apologizing for it. She has an incredibly strong sense of her own taste. And she is willing to wield it, without making herself smaller to make others feel more comfortable, without needing everyone to like it (although everyone seems to love it in the end… which is always the funny part of doing your own thing: you think it is going to be totally unique to you, until you realize that honouring the most true thing in yourself taps into something universal that others are drawn to as well.)

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My thesis on Dua’s joy

What I saw in the videos and images of her enjoying her wedding weekend, was someone who treated this initiation with full presence, and who understood what it was meant to be: fun. Someone who knew what she wanted and made it clear to those who were helping her construct it. Someone who wanted to give others the experience of her vision. Someone who was willing to break a few rules or traditional elements to inch towards pure self-expression. And someone who knows how to fucking enjoy a party. Especially when that party is there to celebrate her.

I detect in her an extremely rare combination of complete presence and complete self-possession. What I see is that she has located the authority of who she is trying to please, directly within herself. Meaning: she is not looking for approval or validation from some mysterious external authority that she can never be certain she has adequately pleased. She is interested in doing her life exactly as she wishes to. Her choices do not ring with any performativity. She seems to simply choose what will feel best to her.

You can sense this in the way in which she totally enjoys everything she does. She does not apologize or contort herself into some box that she wants others to look at and approve of. She simply allows herself to be herself.

And in this willingness to be herself, she exudes a magnetic quality of joy that most people are not used to. That feels almost alien. Because it is so incredibly rare to find someone doing life exactly on their own terms, without trying to make everyone else feel okay about it.

This magnetism and radiance she taps into by simply existing, entirely congruently and potently in her own life, has a healing effect on others. Because most people do not realize they have full permission to enjoy their lives as much as they wish.

The initiation of planning a wedding

I myself am getting married in just a few months, which may be why the Dua Lipa wedding content has been especially salient to me. The process of planning and stepping into the vision I hold for my wedding has been one of the most fascinating, humbling and challenging things I have ever done. Not because of the logistics, which simply are what they are, but because of the repeated tests every decision makes of you, your individuality, your willingness to compromise on what you want to please others, and ultimately, the strength of your desire and the clarity of your vision to make your wedding your own. Squeezing myself through this keyhole while maintaining my sense of self has been a very potent teacher to me. My learnings are below.

Maintaining your sense of self throughout one of the most conventional / conformity-coded rituals still alive today