Change is a matter of feeling safe enough to let go of who you are to become someone new
Also, I’m going to Paris.
So, I’m going to Paris in 2 days. Why? Well, I will only know for sure once the trip is complete. I have become so practiced now, at simply listening to the call of my intuition. Of going where I am called, when I am called. Each time, though, I am confronted with all the thoughts that want to keep me where I am, keep me safe, keep me in the known, in the certainty, in the space of comfort. Even something as ultimately safe and benign as travelling alone for a couple of weeks in Paris can feel like a threat to who you are, when you have become routine and rooted in your “home” for long enough. This is, I imagine, why my intuition is taking me there. I need spontaneity and change as much as I need structure and routine. And if there is anything that I have learned over the years, it is that I do, in fact, need both. I’ve learned to honour these desires. To actually allow myself to have both, instead of imposing rigidity and structure on myself that I CANNOT BREAK OR ELSE, as well as refraining from allowing myself to get too flowy, expecting my present self to always pick the wise option needed to have a balanced, thoughtful, and intentional life. I am learning to find the balance. And after a few months in as loyal and consistent a routine flow as I can remember, I decided last week that I simply must—must!—go to Paris for two weeks because, well, because I want to.
The decision and ensuing days of telling those closest to me and feeling into what I want the trip to be has been such a fascinating investigation into transformation, safety, intuition, letting go, beholding something new, and exploring a new threshold I can feel myself on the cusp of.