reclaim your attention
part 2 to 'my phone is making me dumb'
For the first time since I was a teenager, I've been reading books voraciously. I don't just mean reading every now and then, having a book that I'm reading occasionally. I also don’t mean inhaling one book, and then failing to pick up another one for weeks or months. I mean ripping through books, finishing multiple in a week, staying up late into the night with my reading light on, imploring my eyes to stay open so I can find out what happens, inhaling words off of the page. I mean not even wanting to touch my phone because I'm so interested in the book in my hands. I mean seeing the world more vividly because my imagination is reactivated and the narrator that articulates what I'm experiencing has woken back up, an active participant in my life again.
Not only is this wonderfully pleasurable—reading like this again—but I've also noticed the subtle changes to the quality of my focus that are shifting as a result of me reading more books.
I have been using a product called blok, a piece of hardware that blocks all of the addictive apps on my phone with just a tap of my phone. I keep these apps blocked pretty much all of the time now, except when I'm consciously deciding to indulge in a social media scroll (usually on Twitter or Substack, very occasionally on TikTok), after which I almost always regret doing so, because I quickly remember that the information I am consuming was never meant to find its way into my mind. We forget just how random social media is, compared to all forms of media and information we used to consume prior to it. Opening my phone is not equivalent to picking up a physical book, or opening a magazine, or even clicking on a link with a title I could actually read and at least somewhat predict the contents of (and thus filter into my mind). The content I consume when I tap a social media app is a complete mystery to me, which, I suppose, is the reason we keep going back for more.
For example, why do I know that someone in the WNBA poked another woman in the WNBA in the eye the other day? Because Twitter showed it to me, and somehow successfully sent me down a rabbit hole of watching video after video of one woman poking another woman in the eye, followed by another video of a woman tackling the eye-poker for her actions, followed by a video of both of the teams breaking out into a fight spurred by the original eye-poking. I don’t even watch basketball! Nor did I know anything about these players prior! Nor do I (respectfully to the eye-poked and eye-poker) care! Not because I do not have compassion for these people (truly, it was quite the phenomenon to witness), but because I just cannot and will not justify being exposed to every sensational, emotionally activating thing that happens on the internet and in the world each day. If I do, I will get nothing done, and have nothing interesting to think about, or write about. Because having clear thoughts comes from PROTECTING YOUR MIND.
When I am successfully protecting my mind, I find the stimulus that comes through these apps repulsive, overwhelming, overstimulating, and genuinely unenjoyable. I begin to notice when I'm reaching for my phone unconsciously, consuming things I don't remember, feeling brain-fried, empty and hollow afterwards. And I feel disgusted by it. When I indulge in the compulsive behaviour to pick up my phone, scroll and let the randomness-engine that drives these addictive platforms override where I want to consciously place my attention—my thoughts become duller, more negative, and I just feel worse about myself and want to take less action on what matters to me.
Compare this to how my mind feels when I'm reading a book, and it is a complete 180. I'm less impulsive, less hungry for information, less interested in visual media (in fact, I notice myself avoiding it), my writing is clearer, my thinking is clearer, and my attention span is more refined and patient.
There are even more subtle effects of how reclaiming my attention has impacted me, too. When I am using my phone less, I become more sensitive to other impulsive behaviour of mine (that, in some ways, scratches the same itch as reaching for my phone). For example, after having my apps blocked for several days this week, I could notice myself at the grocery store, feeling the temptation to impulsively purchase something that I didn’t need (or really even want). Because I had this more refined awareness, I chose not to listen to that impulse, but instead to observe it. This simple shift—of being able to notice and observe the impulse instead of react to it—is becoming more legible and obvious to me when I read more books and use screens less, because the sensations that I seek when I reach for a flurry of unnecessary items on the way to the thing I actually need at the grocery store is the exact same pattern of attention and reward that unfolds when I open Twitter for “just a few minutes” (it’s never just a few minutes), quickly frying my brain before I sit down and try to write, open a book, or respond to emails (good luck with that!). Indulging in these quick-dopamine-hits leave me feeling exhausted by the time I get to actually do the thing I intended to do.
Anyone who knows the mechanics of dopamine will likely tell me that that these two patterns do mirror each other—each is its own way to seek pleasure without delay, unwilling to earn the longer-term reward that comes with patient, conscious action toward something you want (like, say, finishing a book, writing a piece, or cooking dinner instead of buying something already prepared).
we’re not taking this seriously enough
The last couple of books I read were written by Coco Mellors, a new favourite author of mine that writes complex, rich, honest, and deeply human characters—many of whom struggle with addiction. The addictions the characters face in her books tend to involve substances, but I couldn’t help but notice how the inner-dialogue they wrestle with when they are trying not to have another drink or hit of whatever their vice of choice is, is exactly how it sounds in my head when I am withdrawing from frequent phone/social media use. I know we all say ever-so-casually that we are “addicted to our phones”, but I want you to take a moment and really zoom out, as though you are an alien that came down to earth, finding out that the most brilliant species on the planet was hypnotizing themselves with glowing squares that cripple their ability to control themselves, learn properly, and do things they actually want to do. You would be SHOCKED. Surely you would think: the humans are getting themselves caught up in yesterday’s WNBA drama when they could be learning ANYTHING IN THE WORLD AT THE TOUCH OF THEIR FINGERTIPS???!!!
And I would say: yes, alien, please roast me, it is embarrassing, I know…
Ultimately, though, these glowing squares do seem to have changed our brains, certainly temporarily, and possibly permanently. (Fortunately, it has been shown that reading for pleasure also changes our brains! P.S. Thank you
for this wonderful essay which inspired me to prioritize reading-for-pleasure teaching if/when I enter parenthood myself!).We need to take the task of controlling our attention much, much, much more seriously. I notice that after a few days of abstaining from using devices as a mindless entertainment source, I begin to hear my inner signals much more clearly. My thoughts become more rich, dimensional, almost childlike in their awe and wonder-induced nature again.
But any time I “relapse” by going back into these endless black holes of attention, I am completely back in it. The withdrawal has to restart. I am still in the thick of finding the optimal approach to navigating this dynamic. I do share my work here after all, and collect lots of inspiration and insight on these platforms as well. But for now, the #1 thing I am doing that is absolutely, categorically transforming my relationship to pretty much everything in my life is: reading more books.
I’ll keep you posted as I put the more nuanced puzzle together of how to manage our attention in the wild west of social media addictions, but for now my biggest recommendation is to find a book that will engulf you entirely, and read and read and read until you forget about your phone. Then—and this is very important—DO NOT PICK UP YOUR PHONE ONCE YOU FINISH IT! I implore you. Find another book that will enchant you (ask your friends with similar taste to you! Tell ChatGPT about the books you already love and ask it for recommendations! Read your favourite author’s latest novel!). Then: READ SOME MORE. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. We are creating an upwards spiral with our attention span that will orient us towards having more patience, focus and enthusiasm for slower burn, longer pay-off, more delayed gratification sources of enjoyment. Trust me on this. Books are our salvation.
I created a list of my recent book recommendations and reviews of what I loved about them, below. That part of this post is behind the paywall…
As I write about the ways I am refining my attention, being more selective about what I consume, and encouraging you to do the same, it feels only natural to mention that you can upgrade to a paid subscription here, 20% off for the next few days. With it, you get access to all past and future paid content, as well as my book recommendation & review list at the bottom of this post.
Anyone here as a subscriber of any kind has already offered me a generous nod of their time and attention. I sincerely appreciate it. Simultaneously, I want there to be a degree of intention—of sacredness—to reading the words that I am writing. I notice that when I receive writing from publications I am a paid subscriber to, I tend to read their work with more refined attention. There is an understanding—between me and myself—that I have attributed a special kind of value, a special kind of attention, that I reserve just for them.
To the degree that I can help it, I do not want my work to be just another piece of content you scroll past, that holds a weightless, neutral charge. I want to create work that lets you go even deeper into what I am creating. I want to take my time with it—to be thoughtful, revealing, and honest—like the writers I adore so much. I want my essays to land in your inbox with a charge. I want to give you the opportunity to ask yourself: is this work worthy of my time, attention, and money? If you get value from my writing and feel inclined to support more of it, you can upgrade to a paid subscription here for 20% off, getting occasional offers and surprises from me, and unlocking more content behind the paywall (including my reading list below).
You can also a related post of mine: my phone is making me dumb—here.